November 26th, 2004

It has been two weeks or so since I’ve posted here, I guess. But I have never ever missed my “blogging time”. In other words, I don’t enjoy blogging as much as I did in the first place. (But please get this straight, I do miss all my online friends, it doesn’t mean that we stop being friends because I don’t blog often right??) Then I wonder why I’ve always become so excited to blog just about everything I do, blabbed out most of my secrets here, and spilled about my feelings on whateveries. I found out the answer to my question late one night when I was having insomnia (actually, it was 2am and I just couldn’t get to sleep, no big deal, really, because it’s the holidays.). I caught myself watching a documentary about Hormones. The show talked about stress hormones, sex hormones in men and women, men and women menopause and lastly puberty. The latter was most intriguing. There was a teenage girl who got picked to record a “video diary” everyday after school. She experience weird emotional changes like feeling moody and sometimes snapping at everybody, etc., and she couldn’t even tell why. The same happened to me and that’s why I got this weblog full of rants and rave (sort of), and all the stuff I just couldn’t tell people verbally. Basically, my point is, I won’t have to blog here if I can learn to calm myself down in times of difficulty, and try not to make something out of nothing. I should try to chill out, relax, and share every fun or sad experience with everybody I meet. That way, I won’t stay forever trapped inside a shell; I could build more self-confidence and break away from shyness (which has always been a flaw).

Speaking of shyness, I hope I won’t screw up in this coming Christian Youth Camp from Dec. 2 to Dec. 4. (Read on only if you’re interested in a bunch of crap!) The last time I hung out with the Youths was during this year’s Chinese New Year gathering. I had problems speaking to acquaintances and did some awkward bloopers, too! And then it was beach partying with them (again) at the beach. Somebody gave me a compliment about my Captain’s Ball playing tactics, and I looked at him without any real emotion on my face. The problem was, I was shy, but I didn’t show it on my face. I guess I was too shy to show my shyness and that’s a fact. So I thought Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie (The Simple Life) would be my great guides to be confident. I mean, if anything ever goes wrong, I’ll try to imagine about what Paris and Nicole would say about my lack-of-confidenceness, and think of what they’ll do if they were in this situation. I know it’s a little weird and wacky, but that’s the only reliable solution to my problem (that I could come up with). And that’s an undeniable fact that TV programs could better or worsen our lives, depending on how you want your life to be, that is.

Presently, my life has never been better during the school holidays. I’ve been re-discovering myself and having an enjoyable time no where else but at home. My parents spoil me by buying me goodies to eat and basically the freedom to do anything I want. But the catch is, I must complete chores that they pay me, though. Funny isn’t it? It sounds like a win-win situation after all!

Au revoir,
Bernice
p.s. I want to learn French so badly and that is my dream Christmas present for this year.